Surrender....

...is there more to that word then just being a good Cheap Trick song?

I find it so ironic that my freedom comes by surrendering my heart and my will to what God has in store. That seems to go against every fiber of society. It's almost like it's too easy.

Luke 9:23-25
(Jesus) "If any of you wants to be my follower, you must put aside your selfish ambition, shoulder your cross daily and follow me. If you try to keep your life for yourself, you will lose it. But if you give up your life for me you will find true life."

I'm not saying that surrendering will be an automatic ticket to the "good life", but it will take you on a journey to realizing true happiness and most of all contentment. Why do we fight it? The lessons I've learned over the past year have been hard and the scars are deep, but I really feel like I've finally found it! I can rely on God for my well being....sure He might point out some hard things that I need to work on, but in the end it's all for my benefit AND I don't have to go it alone! He is with me every step of the way, shaping and molding this imperfect selfish person into a beautiful vessel.

There has been this song on the radio a lot lately called By Your Side (see play list). The lyrics hit me ever time I hear it. "Why are you striving these days? Why are you trying to earn grace? Why are you crying? Let me lift up your face, just don't turn away.....To where will you go child, to where will you run? Cause I'll be by your side wherever you fall, in the dead of night whenever you call. Please don't fight these hands that are holding you." It's become one of my banners lately.

What would it be like if you just let go, surrendered and jumped full on into the arms of God?

Pulling Off the Band Aide

It's amazing how somethings in life are like pulling off a band aide.

Friday night we had our small group for this new series at church (linked it incase anyone is interested in seeing this series!). A night of awesome women, living in the moment and encouraging each other. I came away from it so energized and just floated home on a God cloud. It was like God was holding me to his chest, caressing my head, telling me it's gonna be alright.....and then wham! Woke up Saturday to find that He was pulling off a band aid that I had carefully placed over my aching heart. YAOUCH!!!! (God's got a good sense of humor because I've done the same thing to the boys when removing those pesky sticky things!)

I wrestled all day with major, deep issues. Some have plagued me since childhood, others more recent..but not any less painful. I didn't know what to do. Do I suck it up and deal with these hard issues or wait until the bleeding stops and a loose scab appears? I kept asking Jim what I should do, but he only replied that I had to be the one to make that decision! Called my good friend Kim, who happened to be discussing the same type of thing with her hubby at the kitchen table (GOD IS GOOD!). Still wasn't sold on what I should do, but was comforted in the fact that I'm not alone!

Fast forward to a sleepless night and a moody morning. Got into church, had a great Caramel Mac. (thanks Devon!), and stepped into worship. Songs filled the air about overcoming and God being in control of every victory. Sat down for service feeling ok.....what was the sermon on you might be thinking............"Living for what really matters".....relationships! Ahahahaha I'm laughing it up Father!

Point 3 happened to be "What relationship needs to be restored?". According to yesterday, I've got a couple big ones that I really need to work on...but still I really don't want to go there....can't I just pretend that I didn't feel that tinge in my heart or that ache in the pit of my stomach ( Devon, What did you put in my coffee!?!).

Three things we should remember about forgiveness:

1. Forgive selfishly. Forgiveness is more for our benefit then others. Someone once told me that bitterness is like swallowing poison, expecting the other person to die.

2. Forgive freely. Don't hold back....forgiving doesn't wipe the wrong away, it just puts it into God's hands to deal with it!

3. Forgive repeatedly. We're all human and we all fall so short.

One last thing before I go get off my unforgiving butt and make some changes. This verse really hit me....I want it for myself and I'm praying it for all of you!

Matt. 11:28-30 (Message) "Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you'll recover your life. I'll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me---watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly."


LOVE WELL, FORGIVE OFTEN!!!

Curly

Five years ago today, my grandpa Curly lost his battle with cancer.

It's kind of odd that we are going through this series at church on bucket lists around the same time of his passing. Last weekend's service was on living in the moment.

I think that people go through all kinds of circumstances that makes them rethink their priorities....ours happened to be our finances and then now with Jim working such crazy hours we have really fine tuned what really matters in our lives.

Last night I couldn't sleep....there I was laying there reflecting on my grandpa's life and what he stood for. I remember going to visit him every time I went in to work the last few weeks before he died. I kept waiting for this big emotional moment that we hear happens as people near the end....it never happened. For quite sometime, I wondered in disappointment why. My grandpa was not a fluffy warm fuzzy man, so it shouldn't surprise me I guess.....but as I lay there last night I realized that he lived his life telling us that he loved us!

He was a soldier, but he never really spoke of his journey. He was a deputy sheriff and did give us some glimpses ( he took John Wayne Gaisey back and forth to jail during his trial, his motto was that "if a woman in labor can make it to the squad, she can make it to the hospital"). But more then that he was a great grandpa! We went fishing from before I could remember (betting us that he could catch 2 fish before we caught 1.....he had a rod with 2 hooks on it....he always won that bet!) My grandparents picked us up from school, being sick was always better when we got to go to there house, and I can't ever remember a function that they missed whether it was a basketball game, concert or award thing...they were always there.

Grandpa also let me do a lot of things that I probably shouldn't have: like mowing his lawn on a riding lawn mower...."Do you know how to drive it?"..."Sure!"....thing was that I didn't know how to stop!....drove it right into the back of the barn!!!! I about lost grandma out the back of the boat when he let me drive for the first time....I always saw him driving when we were skiing, so I just punched it...hehehehe!

He also took us to South Dakota, Crystal and I played Nintendo throughout the whole trip....I would have kicked us out and made us walk, but he didn't~ without that trip, I wouldn't know what a Corn Palace was or a South Dakota Turd Bird! Him and grandma drove my bridesmaids and I to the church. And he made countless trips to the lake so my sister and I could swim!

For those of you who struggle with the absence of words of affection from those who have passed or those who are right there in front of your face, look at their lives more then the lack of words....I'm sure you'll find love laced all through out!

Please go to my songs list and play Mairzy Doats in honor of Curly! He sang this song around the house and I just thought it was grandpa being crazy!