I am a happy person, I am a happy person...it'll come back, right?!?
These last couple of months have really been blah...I've been blah...my creativity is no where to be found. Its been rough. Sure we're on this new diet and cut out pretty much everything...and yes, I won't lie, there were some major dt's going on for the whole family. But something else has been brewing, fermenting in my soul and I just can't put a finger on it.
The company Jim worked for just shut down one truck, which meant laying off 6 people. Thankfully, he wasn't one of them...but next time his name will be closer to the bottom of the list. I hate uncertainty. I despise not being in control. He spent 2 years working to get his medic license only to have the health field start this downsizing crap?!? Medicine was supposed to be the constant...there's always going to be sick people no matter what the economy. Don't even get me started on how much $$$ the government owes the ambulance company from last year...ugh! (Enough that they had to shut down a truck!)
I know this isn't where we are supposed to be, but for some reason this wonderful land of opportunity keeps itself hidden. I'm tired of worrying. I'm tired of debt. I'm sick of nothing ever working out right!!!! (Talk about a temper tantrum...sorry!). The Psalmist asks,"why do you sleep...Why do you hide your face and forget our misery and oppression? We are brought down to the dust, our bodies cling to the ground. Rise up and help us; redeem us because of your unfailing love." Mark 4:35-41 tells of Jesus, asleep in the boat as a squall threatens to destroy them..."Teacher don't you care if we drown?"...Jesus got up, rebuked the waves and asked "Why are you so afraid? Do you still have no faith?"
My study Bible says when you feel like panicking, confess your need to God and trust him to care for you. I don't know why this trust is so hard. Time and time again, God proves himself faithful and true...and in His timing he will move in our situation. I seriously can't wait to be looking back on this season and see how this all played out!
In lighter news, our garden is growing and I took a class on making things with fresh milk...we get to start dairy back in next week! (Homemade yogurt is the first step). So hopefully there will be some happy posts in the near future! Thanks for letting me purge all of this negative junk!