I finished Exodus a few weeks ago...actually I just started Numbers, so I'm a smidge behind in posting my thoughts.
Today though, just feels right for a grumbley complainy Israelite rant. Jim got word that he didn't pass his test...which is ok..remember...I typed those words "in Your timing God"...I typed them so I must have meant them right?!? I laid it down, gave it to God...and promptly picked it back up once things didn't go my way!
The Israelites saw miracles and signs of wonder...yet they still were filled with unbelief. They were passed over, set free, walked on dry ground to safety and had the pillar of cloud to guide them--a Visible sign of God's Presence! They couldn't make a wrong turn, He guided them day and night!!! Yet, they still doubted when it got hard---Why have you brought us to the desert to die?
They could have experienced God face to face on Mt. Sinai, but the were too afraid so they sent Moses up alone. And then, when he didn't come down right away, they made their own version of a god.
It makes me wonder, am I too afraid? Do I say, "my life is yours Lord, use me, mold me, fill me"...but only if it doesn't hurt or get too hard? Do I mold God into what I think He should be...how I think He should act?!? Am I afraid to show God my hidden dark places? Or worse...afraid of what He'd reveal in me! I don't want to waiver, I want to trust.
Even though I want nothing more than to be in NM this very minute, I know that God is directing our path. He is strengthening us, teaching us, shaping us into usable vessels. I see that...I believe that...but I am still So Impatient!!!
Tear off the bandages Lord, heal the quick fixes, glossed over yet so very open. Help me to meet you at the foot of the mountain---I want to know you on a Moses level. Break up this fallow ground Lord, plant in me a beautiful garden that will bear much fruit--fruit for you, that will bring people Your Hope! You are trustworthy, perfect and loving--you deserve my unhindered, full on praise and adoration!