Wednesday, April 27, 2011


I finished Exodus a few weeks ago...actually I just started Numbers, so I'm a smidge behind in posting my thoughts.

Today though, just feels right for a grumbley complainy Israelite rant. Jim got word that he didn't pass his test...which is ok..remember...I typed those words "in Your timing God"...I typed them so I must have meant them right?!? I laid it down, gave it to God...and promptly picked it back up once things didn't go my way!

The Israelites saw miracles and signs of wonder...yet they still were filled with unbelief. They were passed over, set free, walked on dry ground to safety and had the pillar of cloud to guide them--a Visible sign of God's Presence! They couldn't make a wrong turn, He guided them day and night!!! Yet, they still doubted when it got hard---Why have you brought us to the desert to die?

They could have experienced God face to face on Mt. Sinai, but the were too afraid so they sent Moses up alone. And then, when he didn't come down right away, they made their own version of a god.

It makes me wonder, am I too afraid? Do I say, "my life is yours Lord, use me, mold me, fill me"...but only if it doesn't hurt or get too hard? Do I mold God into what I think He should I think He should act?!? Am I afraid to show God my hidden dark places? Or worse...afraid of what He'd reveal in me! I don't want to waiver, I want to trust.

Even though I want nothing more than to be in NM this very minute, I know that God is directing our path. He is strengthening us, teaching us, shaping us into usable vessels. I see that...I believe that...but I am still So Impatient!!!

Tear off the bandages Lord, heal the quick fixes, glossed over yet so very open. Help me to meet you at the foot of the mountain---I want to know you on a Moses level. Break up this fallow ground Lord, plant in me a beautiful garden that will bear much fruit--fruit for you, that will bring people Your Hope! You are trustworthy, perfect and loving--you deserve my unhindered, full on praise and adoration!


Jules said...

Oh man! Sorry about the test. I can't wait to see the rainbow at the end of this storm -- keep hanging on and keep trusting Him!

Lori said...

So sorry about the test but you're coming at it with the right attitude. God is molding and shaping you for something in New Mexico or maybe even better! Keep the faith girlfriend.

Green Girl in Wisconsin said...

That's tough news. I'm impressed how you're singing in the fire while God works through this.

Michelle said...

Sorry you suffered another disappointment. God must have something AWESOME in store for you, because He keeps telling you NM isn't it, or it just isn't time yet. Sometimes what we 'need', is right under our noses.

Sending hugs, my sweet friend.
Love ya!

Debbie said...

I understand your frustration. I can honestly say God never kept back anything I needed or gave me anything I didn't, but the waiting and the wondering can drive ya nuts! This is where the 'patience' thing comes in. Did you see the handwork piece I framed the other day on my blog with the 'fruit of the spirit'? That was no coincidence; I have a terrible time remembering to model those fruit and in my struggle I thought I'd put them where I'd remember em'.
Love ya kid,